You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
