If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
