I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
