dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
