as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
