Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
