Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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