Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
