I hate your face
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
