no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
