When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
