That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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