Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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