Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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