I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
