my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
