her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
