after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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