So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
