Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How's work?
Spinning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
