actually, I'm a sock model
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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