last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
