I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
