And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
