I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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