the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
