Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
