The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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