I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
