I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
