Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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