Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When did angry sex become our thing?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
