Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
True strength comes from lack of pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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