I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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