i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
