After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
