and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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