from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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