so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
