i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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