i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
