Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
