Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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