what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
