..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
