Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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