how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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