I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
