just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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