his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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