I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
