is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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