I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
