Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
