Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Randomize
