At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
