Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
